Been a while

Been a while

Been a while since I picked up a pen
Been a while since my words made much sense
Nostalgic for when I was proud of my efforts
Now effortlessly a pretence

Look back to a time I knew joy
I made verses of words, I employed
Every drop of my blood, amongst people I loved
Now I speak but don’t hear back my voice

Back then I was lethal
I’d reach for a quill, turn
My words into weapons
Set scenes for a sequel
Now hours-long I’m foetal
I reach for a quilt, and
I push away guilt, turn
To fantasies brittle

My words are mediocre,
My verses lackluster
My rhymes like Raye Penber,
They go unremembered
My work’s nonexistent
When it’s not a mistake
Even texts scarcely witty
More rude, inconsiderate

Been a while since I tried
Since I fought with my life
Since I clawed for each scratch
Since I felt stung, alive
I could just give in
But I’m itching to prick
To burn and to scrape
Feel scars on my skin

By burdens I’m buried
And bland is my brew
But there’s jive in my bones
And bothers to chew
So I’ll boil up some water
And grind up some beans
Sharpen my blade
And be the me it’s been a while since I’ve seen