Shiver

Shiver

I shiver.
Maybe it’s the AC, a respite from this dreadful summer
Maybe it’s the sleep I’ve missed, trying to pull me below the covers
Maybe it’s any one of the many reasons I’ll give to shove the pain under
Andar hi andar, I know it’s fear. I fear the daylight, the chance to blunder,
I fear the ticks of the clock, of the bomb in my bunker,
The mistakes that might have already split my dreams asunder.
The pit in my stomach grows wide, it’ll swallow me
The worry laps my feet, rising tide, it’ll swallow me
The weight makes me feel like a child, and I gasp to breathe,
The fear clutches my heart, I’m paralysed, it’ll swallow me.

I fear for what I will not get, what I may not do, what’ll cost,
I fear for things trivial, and impossible, and what is already lost,
But those fears I live with, there’s one that visits, and it squats,
The thought of losing more.
It petrifies me
I feel my heart go cold, and a chill fills me.
I shiver.